Back in the 80s, for reasons that really defy logic,
the classic spy genre of literature changed from your basic premise
of
debonair-spy-steals-microfilm-and-probably-kills-the-bad-guy-to-prevent-a-sequel
to something... darker. While this was mostly because the bygone era
of the genre changed with the times, it wasn't helped by the fact
that, with the threat of total nuclear war dissipating to an almost
non-existent conclusion, it was harder for readers to fathom why any
spy would actually behave in a way that would encourage an angry
nuclear power to retaliate. As a result, novels became more about the
analysis and characters who were less James Bond and more Jason
Bourne, more likely to just kill the threat rather than play baccarat
and argue about martinis. Now, with even that whole section of the
genre beginning to jump into the Age of Terrorism, Hollywood has
decided to latch onto the premise (ten years too late) for the sake
of filling their docket. The result: a decently acted but ultimately
bland action movie with little reason to exist outside of a Hollywood
number crunch.
Hey, I can be nice here for a bit: American Assassin
works great if you like Michael Keaton and his wonky brand of acting.
Despite being in a movie far below his own pedigree (the man was in
Birdman for crying out loud!) and probably being the only guy who
thought to earn his paycheck (he's the only guy who seems to be
selling the hammy dialog), Keaton excels as an angry spy trainer with
a simple mixture of mystery (which isn't actually that mysterious)
and a more gritty performance than was probably warranted. Despite
what I'm about to follow this paragraph with, know that the ultimate
reasons for this movie's failure never have the line “Because of
Michael Keaton” in it anywhere. Got it? Good.
Unfortunately, with Keaton safely in a bubble and
removed completely from the movie, this is little more than an
amateur attempt at a cheesy spy flick; never really knowing if it
wants to go for gritty (because of Keaton) or it prefers the action
approach (via its poorly choreographed fight scenes and shootouts) or
if it wants to rely on its poor attempt at modern intrigue (via
dialog that feels like it was read off of a teleprompter). Regardless
of the promised premise of an angry man (Dylan O'Brien) seeking
revenge for his losses and inadvertently becoming a super spy,
nothing ever works how its supposed to. There's no character
investment, none of the story really goes anywhere and, when it
finally over, the only real advancement you feel is that you've
wasted about two hours of your life watching the equivalent of a Tom
Clancy short story while your waiting for better movies to come out
and justify the movie theater's existence again (it's been a REALLY
bad year at the movies).
As for watching it, don't. You could argue that,
because it has O'Brien and because he was kind of awesome in those
two Mazerunner movies (before that franchise was killed) he might be
able to move onto another action franchise with his own on-screen
charisma, but this movie doesn't actually require him to be anything
more than a bland, blank slate character with only the tiniest of
motivations to actually be doing what he's doing. You know what? Go
watch It (the movie with the clown; not the pronoun for this movie)
and be happy that Kingsman 2 is coming and there might still be hope
to salvage this consistently awful movie season. Seriously, this
movie season needs to die already.
Michael Cuesta (T.V.'s Elementary) tries to make his
first big-screen action movie and pretty much proves he needs to
stick with television with American Assassin, a wonky, unintelligible
train wreck of an action movie that, save for the grace of Batman
(Keaton), pretty much relegates itself to the bargain bin come rental
time. To avenge the death of his fiance at the hands of terrorists,
Mitch Rapp (O'Brien) joins a CIA offshoot known as Orion and tries to
sound interesting for the rest of the movie. What's there to say?
Stuff blows up, most of the characters basically deliver their lines
phonetically and every single actor acts like they'd rather be
anywhere else but in this movie. You were probably awesome in book
form, Mitch Rapp. Maybe you should've stayed there...
My score: 3/10. Dear next week's Kingsman 2: please be
a passable movie with relatable characters and an interesting story.
That is literally your minimum requirement at this point.
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