There's something to say
about animated movies and their sequels. Barring VERY few exceptions
(Finding Dory, Toy Story 3, Shrek 2), they've been underwhelming
garbage (Shrek 3), forgettable toy commercials (Minions) and, even in
the face of Pixar, pretentious cashgrabs (Cars 2). Now, with Disney
ONCE AGAIN not realizing that leaving a good thing alone might be for
the best, we have Ralph Breaks The Internet, which begs the eternal
question no one ever seriously asks: How much therapy does Ralph
really need?
Please, readers, heed my
warning: if you have fond memories of Wreck-It Ralph, be they the
strangely humorous take on videogames or the more serious view of a
midlife crisis, this is not a movie you should ever see or even have
a need to think about. Outside of a few well-placed gags (that were,
incidentally, already shown in the trailers) and a few one-off
references to the original, nothing here comes off as memorable or
even worthwhile. Bland new characters, broken old characters,
internet humor that never comes off as anything more than misplaced
or poorly timed and an overarching narrative about how Ralph (John C.
Reilly) still really, really needs some kind of videogame therapist
(the character has some serious personality problems). Throw in a
completely wasted cameo by Felix (Jack McBrayer) and Calhoun (Jane
Lynch) and you even take out two of the more endearing aspects of the
original movie. What happened, Disney?
Fortunately, while the
casting is mostly for stunt purposes, it does, on occasion, shine
through the muck that is its own screenplay. Casting the original
voice actresses for their princess parts was both brilliant (they can
still pull these characters off decades later) and subversive (it
gives the actresses a chance to tear into their own iconic characters
and their stupid tropes). And, while Vanellope (Sarah Silverman) was
little more than a humorous placeholder in the original (she
represented Ralph's desire for acceptance and his willingness to gain
it), the internet version at least carries the weight of an
interesting character going through her own existential crisis for
once. See? Ralph isn't the only one feeling the ravages of time (I
think that's a good thing).
As for watching it, don't.
Go see the original, feel yourself tear up a little near the end when
he comes to that realization about what's important to him and just
pretend that's where it ended. Don't bother with this garbage, don't
lose your respect for the hurdles the character or those he
considered his friends went through (Fix-It Felix's original subplot
might be one of the best in any animated movie ever) and just pretend
Disney thought this whole corny idea up AFTER a script had been made
instead of it being forced on whatever potentially talented
screenwriters ended up with the unenviable task of making a sequel to
a movie that never asked for it.
Rich Moore and Phil Johnson
try to capitalize on their original success with Wreck-It Ralph by
ruining the character as a whole with Ralph Breaks The Internet, a
mostly humorless, shallow effort that takes a movie about a man
accepting the needs of others over his own pursuit of happiness and
just re-breaks the character and exacerbates his insecurities. When
Sugar Rush is accidentally broken by an arcade patron, Ralph (Reilly)
and Vanellope (Silverman) must venture into the megalopolis that is
the internet to find a replacement part to save her game. Along the
way, characters as shallow as Buzzfeed appear for the sake of “cool”
effect, Vanellope goes through her own existential crisis in the form
of an always-online racing game and Ralph just breaks under the
pressure of his own selfishness (again). I've seen bad sequels that
make me only want to ever remember the original. I've never seen one
that makes me dislike the original for unforeseeable reasons.
My score: 3/10. Seriously,
Disney, get Ralph a therapist! This AA stuff obviously isn't working
and he's an emotional minefield of misplaced attachment and egotism.
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