You've probably heard my
constant rants about Michael Bay and his seeming inability to make
anything resembling a movie when it comes to Transformers. There's
the classic criticism (they're just a bunch of explosion reels), the
more in-depth (the characters are more archetypes than actual
characters) and, of course, the usual anti-Bay rants (he obviously
hates making the movies and, therefore, tortures us with this
garbage). Unfortunately, seemingly because of some weird obsession
with keeping Bay happy, Paramount has, for over a decade, pandered to
this no-talent hack and given us not one, but five of the worst
movies ever burnt onto celluloid. Now, with Bay seemingly finally
ready to relinquish his stranglehold on this franchise and let
someone, anyone, give it a try, we are presented with Bumblebee, a
film the franchise doesn't deserve but sorely needs.
Are you ready to be
shocked, readers? I, a person who would rather jab wire hangers into
his eyes than watch another Transformers movie (for the sake of a
less painful experience), LOVED (you read that right) Bumblebee. The
action was kinetic and interesting, the direction was heartfelt,
Hailee Steinfeld played a female character who wasn't just brainless
eye candy, the humor was actually funny rather than juvenile and, get
this, when robots fight, you can actually TELL THEM APART. That's
right! They no longer look like some gonzo nature show about the
mating rituals of tin foil. Gone are the Red Bull-infused action
shots, the seemingly testosterone-induced bouts of misplaced
masculinity and the idiotic spinning camera always looking up at
everything. Instead, we get a heartfelt love letter to what
Transformers could be if the filmmakers can just back up a little and
tell an actual story.
Unfortunately, while the
movie finally gives us wonderful human characters with actual, you
know, character arcs, the movie does stutter on occasion when it
comes to some of the less developed amongst their ranks. Jorge
Lendenborg's Memo was a a fun but underutilized character who seemed
to be just above a complete throwaway near the end and, while I did
like Charlie's (Steinfeld) family, they ultimately felt more like
placeholders meant to bring her back to the real world when the
adventure was finally over. Weirdly enough, I began looking forward
to the giant robot fights by the end. Who knew?
As for watching it, do you
rigorously defend the first five movies in this franchise as some
kind of misunderstood genius? Watch this movie and feel really dumb
about that opinion. Did you force your way through those previous
movies surgically digging for any kind of diamond in the garbage that
was that collective series' apparent forte? Consider this one your
long-awaited award for all your suffering. Its a Transformers movie
with a Win-win scenario! My brain hurts now.
Trevor Knight (Kubo and the
Two Strings) takes his animation street cred and uses it to make the
first Transformers film that could actually be called a film with
Bumblebee, a heartfelt, charming, almost E.T.-like movie about giant
robots and their predilections toward world saving/domination
occasionally interrupted with giant, transforming robot fights. When
mechanically gifted Charlie (Steinfeld) finds a totaled VW Beetle in
a junkyard, she repairs it and discovers Bumblebee, an alien rebel
fighter sent to Earth to establish a forward base for the Autobot
resistance against the Decepticons. Other angry robots show up to
wreck things, threads of friendship are woven and John Freaking Cena
not only plays a real, honorable character but has the strongest
character arc in the movie. Am I...becoming a Transformers fan?
My score: 9/10. Seriously,
why hasn't the whole argument about trusting the Decepticons not come
up until six movies in? They're called DECEPTICONS.
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